As Exodus prepares to celebrate the 40th anniversary of its seminal debut record, Bonded by Blood, guitarist and songwriter Gary Holt is once again reminded of his tenacity and the band’s critical role in the creation of thrash metal. Holt remains busy reflecting on the completion of his debut memoir, A Fabulous Disaster: From The Garage To Madison Square Garden, The Hard Way. Within the pages, Holt promises intrigue and insight into one of thrash metal’s most intimidating and intense groups.
With co-author and editor Adem Tepedelen, both individuals hope to avoid the trappings of typical rock & roll memoirs, with Holt adamantly stating
“This is where it differs for me. I was never very successful though I had some success when playing with Slayer, but I still have to work. I have achieved some notoriety being the vanguard and on the front lines of thrash metal but this is a more humble story with some redemption.”
For Tepedelen, collaborating with Holt to complete his memoir made perfect sense, having been a long-time fan and privy to early Exodus shows, Tepedelen positions himself in a unique role to not only elevate the group’s visibility with this book but glean powerful insight from Holt and compare it with his anecdotes to craft a narrative depicting a genre that was completely created with DIY ethos and grassroots support.
“Exodus and several thrash bands were basically known thru the supportive, underground tape trading network. I found Gary to be a very open, interesting individual and have interviewed him a few times over the years. He has seen a heckuva a lot, and lived a lot. I knew it would be a great story. I was a fan and I remember going to see them and was drawn to their intensity but I was also a little scared and nervous because of their wild reputation,” laughed Tepedelen.
Exodus rose to prominence in the Bay Area in ‘79, within a small but vibrant music community of bands willing to push all creative and social boundaries. Fronted by singer Paul Baloff, Exodus rallied around the mantras of ‘attack’ and ‘destroy’, crafting intense songs with breakneck tempos unrivaled by predecessors. Their offstage behavior became stuff of local legend, with fans gravitating to Baloff and the group’s reputation for provocation, Exodus was on the cusp of creating a new sub-genre of music; thrash.
“Exodus in many was has been a star-crossed band as far as timing and problems when our peers didn’t have these issues, despite us being arguably the first in thrash. I grew up on hard rock and took the music I loved and really amplified it. The Bay Area scene was rad but we were out to destroy you and blow you offstage. We didn’t care who you were,” laughed Holt.
Exodus upheld their conviction of destruction and healthy competition but Holt’s belief the band was star-crossed took shape almost from the beginning. Original guitarist Kirk Hammett split for Metallica after completing early demos and Exodus’ now renowned 1985 debut, Bonded By Blood was marred with delays, with the official release coming about a year after the recording sessions. By then, the legend of Baloff grew and Exodus earned the reputation for wreaking havoc onstage and off. New guitarist Rick Hunolt complemented Holt’s manic solos, forming what fans dubbed The H-Team. Bonded By Blood was extensively traded within the underground tape network, and Exodus was earning consistent tours, with Baloff gleefully leading the mayhem.
“I’m confident to say Exodus was way more DIY than some of our peers. Hell, we stole our equipment! We created these backyard shows and worked hard to make something try and resemble a rock concert. I like how Adem said he was initially afraid of us because everyone was afraid of Exodus! We opened for Anthrax and Raven, we never cared about optics, even though we had sold out the same venue ourselves as a headliner. The legend spread of what we were capable of and sure, we worked to further embellish the legend of Paul Baloff,” laughed Holt.
He added, “With Paul, the myth was true but sometimes he was just making shit up. Only after he died in 2002, when we were put in charge of his affairs, meaning burial did we see his birth certificate. Paul would tell this story that his parents immigrated from Russia on horseback but he was born in Berkeley! His dad was Russian blood for sue, but I don’t know if he had ever been on a horse, let alone fleeing on one. We fed into the legend of Paul as much as he did but he was special and I miss him,” shared Holt.
Baloff’s rise to infamy was attributed to his charismatic and confrontational stage persona, yet many claim he made impacts on their lives offstage. What Baloff admittedly lacked in music theory, he was a strong fit for the manic tempos and aggression that became Exodus hallmarks. As Exodus worked to already push the limits of the emerging thrash metal genre, Baloff’s lifestyle and addictions ultimately forced the band to fire him in ‘86 prior to the release of Pleasures of The Flesh. Steve ‘Zetro’ Souza commanded the mic and Exodus was seemingly on a new creative path.
“I do my homework when I write. Lyrics can frame a whole endeavor of a challenge. How many lines does it take to tell a story? Chemi-Kill, off Pleasures… is a song I am still very proud of because it spoke about heavy stuff of corporations dumping chemicals with no accountability. It’s never easy for a band to have gone thru multiple singers but honestly, when I write, I never have a particular person in mind to sing the lyrics. I’m focused just on writing. Deathamphetamine was another song I was proud of from the record Shovel headed Kill Machine. It was about me pulling off the scab of addiction,” reflected Holt.
Addictions plagued Exodus throughout the band’s tenure, with methamphetamine impacting multiple members. The group was able to work tirelessly to eventually earn a deal with Capitol Records, resulting in two studio records, their final being Force of Habit in 1992. The record deviated from what fans grew to expect from Exodus, though Holt stated he would love to play some tracks live to showcase what he feels are still strong songs. Exodus experienced a messy breakup while touring Japan in 1992 and the group immediately went on hiatus. Holt commented it was a challenging time but he welcomed the opportunity to spend time with his family.
Exodus was able to briefly reunite with Baloff in ‘97, resulting in festival appearances and a 1997 live record, Another Lesson In Violence but no new studio records with Baloff were in the works and he passed from stroke complications in 2002. Substance abuse was still plaguing Exodus and Holt reflected on the challenges and his path toward sobriety.
“When Rick was still with us, I never felt the urge to give him a difficult time because who was I to pass judgment? At that time, just a few months ago I was sharing the same drug pipe with him! It was so hard when I stopped using and at that time, I was still a work in progress and it was rough. We were still rehearsing in the same neighborhood where I did drugs and I had to put up these blinders just to walk to rehearsal, lock myself in, play, and get the fuck out. Nothing was easy about that time,” sighed Holt.
He added, “That smell of burning meth is just something you’ll never forget. It takes over you and it really was a struggle.”
Exodus remains a compelling subject because of their rightful place in the lexicon of thrash, and their longevity, with a new record currently being written to follow-up 2021’s Persona Non Grata. Holt remains the foundation of a group that is arguably more than star-crossed. Having experienced multiple singers, and once again the recent firing of Zetro for Rob Dukes, Holt maintains his memoir serves a different purpose and will not be a platform for capitalizing on drama.
“I would never go out and say Exodus was wildly successful and we had this career path like bands featured in documentaries. There is no formulaic career path of rising to stardom and crashing a Ferrari. I mean, I have ridden in one twice but there was no big rise to fame and crashing. There obviously was a time of stupid decisions leading to things going in the shitter. When you work on a project like this, you have to be sure you can work with someone you’re not ashamed to pick the scabs off in front of and you have to be comfortable with them,” said Holt.
Tepdelen remains confident Holt is a compelling individual for a memoir project, serving as a creative force behind a genre that has withstood time while crafting music that exists widely outside of mainstream appeal, yet has earned a dedicated global following for decades.
“Gary is a smart guy, don’t let him try to fool you otherwise. He thinks about stuff, I mean it sincerely. Even his lyrics, he’s well-informed. What surprised me working with him was just how thoughtful he was to address some things that were clearly still raw for him. He didn’t shy away from anything and I applaud him for that. He never blamed his misfortune on others. He owned all of it. I think his book is better for it,” concluded Tepdelen.
As Exodus once again transitions from Zetro to Rob Dukes, who was featured on three records, one may be dismissive and state the band is once again in flux, yet Holt remains grounded and focused on the one constant thing: music. A Fabulous Disaster: From The Garage To Madison Square Garden, The Hard Way doesn’t serve as a platform to elevate Holt’s ego and satisfy the urge to grind an ax, instead, the book aims to capture a very unique moment in time when a community of raucous musicians created a new sub-genre, totally unaware that it would survive for decades and earn loyal, international support. Holt adamantly states his story is humble, with restless creativity, family, and redemption being key themes driving him forward.
“Working on this book, I did feel guilty for the way I had treated people. I still carry guilt and maybe that’s why I strive to be a good human. There are things I could have included about when we were on tour with Baloff and abused people, it was bad. For me, as far as family, my mom might learn a few things she didn’t know with this book. My brothers knew because five out of the six kids in the family struggled and were a mess. Not one bit had to do with our parents, we were raised right but we all make our own choices,” affirmed Holt.
He concluded, “Also, I never fuck with regret. It’s all a butterfly effect, things we cannot change so why bother dwelling and trying? If I were to change any of it, I wouldn’t have my wife today, my kids, or my grandkids and those are the people that continue driving me.”
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